Category: Family

Wow, it been a while, if you are still following me you are”stayer” and I thank you

Where do I start.

Am I still in the same place? Have I moved forward at all?

I don’t know, that is my honest answer. I have had a lot thrown at me in this last year. I’ve lost both of my parents, I don’t even know if it’s fair on me to judge me for moving forward.

But I still feel stuck, still feel I have more to give, still feel I am struggling to move forward.

I think I need to give myself a little space and just be forgiving, I need to gather myself, my strengths, I will move forward, I am determined.

I so hope I can put a positive comment on here soon. But also, I hope my, I am not going to say failings, my not achieving because of other outside emotions, will help others to realise we are all human and we just need to go easy on ourselves.

Still trying to move forward… and I will.IMG_1474My dad, my hero, so strong in his love for my mum x

Gratitude….. Be thankful, we all can find something to be grateful for……

It’s not been going great, my new positive thinking,  making positive changes life!

As I lay in bed awake in the early hours this morning,  unable to sleep with thoughts of all the things I needed to do,  should do,  had to do,  didn’t want to do?  Didn’t have time to do, I made bit of a decision.

I am going to approach my employer and ask if I can work 4 days a week.

I took my very elderly parents out yesterday to meet other elderly family members. I listened as they talked,  “what have you been up to” they were asked.  “nothing,  we don’t go out anywhere anymore,  only food shopping once a week”  and it’s true.

Since my dad gave up driving a year ago they really do only go out of their mobile home once a week to go shopping,  either I take them on a Saturday or they get a taxi.

I just don’t have time with working and other family commitments.  And it’s not fair on them,  I need somehow to make the time.

IMG_1474

My wonderful dad soon to reach 90

I have two brothers,  they should share in their care now.  But they don’t.  My youngest brother inflicts hurt on them. I feel disgusted by his actions. Because my father would not apologise to him (there is absolutely no need for my dad to apologise but I won’t go into that on here)  he is going to change his name and they will never see their grandchildren again.  I cannot explain the anger I feel towards him for inflicting this upset on my parents who have helped him and bailed him out with money throughout his life. Now they should be cocooned as much as possible by their children. My dad is 90 this year and my mum has failing health. They won’t be around much longer.

I think you might be starting to understand why I didn’t sleep much and why I feel I have to give them more time.

My other older brother is caught up in his, and his new family’s life to bother.  He doesn’t even call them.

It is down to me.

Then I have my son who takes my time and and energy.

https://mothersnevergiveup.wordpress.com/

And tonight it’s early June and it’s raining.

Somewhere, somehow I have to find some positivity.

I don’t really have to look far.

Gratitude. I can find it in abundance tonight.

I am grateful that none of my family have been injured in the latest terrorist attacks.

I am grateful that my daughter is in Australia, yes I am, really! When she lived in London she worked in those very bars that were attacked yesterday in Borough Market. So yes, for once I am happy she is safe in Australia.

I am grateful I still have both my parents alive, a job, a home, food and water.

Both my sons are alive although one faces a fight every day, but today they are both here. So I am grateful.

I just need to manage this work time off ratio.

So that’s my latest plan,  let’s see if I can make this happen……