SELF BELIEF – My time to start doing not dreaming

Wow, it been a while, if you are still following me you are”stayer” and I thank you

Where do I start.

Am I still in the same place? Have I moved forward at all?

I don’t know, that is my honest answer. I have had a lot thrown at me in this last year. I’ve lost both of my parents, I don’t even know if it’s fair on me to judge me for moving forward.

But I still feel stuck, still feel I have more to give, still feel I am struggling to move forward.

I think I need to give myself a little space and just be forgiving, I need to gather myself, my strengths, I will move forward, I am determined.

I so hope I can put a positive comment on here soon. But also, I hope my, I am not going to say failings, my not achieving because of other outside emotions, will help others to realise we are all human and we just need to go easy on ourselves.

Still trying to move forward… and I will.My dad, my hero, so strong in his love for my mum x

I can do it! I can write something positive

p1040566-2_li Well at last I can write something positive. It’s not life changing but it’s a step, a small one agreed, but I can finally say I have put that foot forward into my future and taken a step. And it happened at 7.30am this morning.

What have I done? I have signed up for a CBT course. OK I said it wasn’t life changing but at 57 learning anything new will be a challenge. I can’t remember the last time I did anything that stretched me mentally. I learn new things at work all the time, but that is like a gentle learning.

This is going to be something totally new to me, but something I have been interested in for some time. To be honest I am doing it in the hope I can help a family member, but at the end, if I pass,I actually get a certificate and can practise it. That means, I get to learn a skill that I can earn money by using it. I don’t expect to earn a fortune, but it could be the start of working for myself rather than someone else.

I have always been a people person, people seem to be drawn to me when they have problems and want my advice. I wonder if I have finally found my vocation?

Right let’s not run before I can walk. I first need to start doing the hard work, finding the time in my already busy life to fit this in. And then the real challenge, how much I can remember.

I’m hoping as it’s something I’m interested in I will pick it up OK.

So there you have it, my first really positive blog 😀 After a week of negatives (my son is in hospital and so is his girlfriend) I am moving forward in 2017.

So maybe you can too? Go on, find a course you are interested in, even if you think it might not be the most useful thing for moving your life forward. If you are learning something new it will make you feel happier and more positive. Believe me 😀

If you have had a not so Very Merry Xmas, you are not alone

It’s a time when everyone is expected to have a wonderful day full of wonderful memory making family moments, filled with joy and laughter.

When in reality it’s a painful isolating time for many many people.

If you are one of the lucky few who have shared this time in the warmth and joy of family and friends then I really hope you count your blessings.

If you are not, let it go, it is only a day and you are not alone. For whatever reason there are many many people who are not able to celebrate this time as we think we are expected to.

I have dear friend who lost her only son this year, I can’t begin to imagine the pain she must be feeling at this special time. She will not be alone, this will be the first Christmas without a loved one for many people.

I have another family friend who is on her own this Christmas with her young son. Her family are on the other side of the world and I know they miss each other dreadfully.

I myself have had to deal with Christmas Day, just deal with it. I knew it wouldn’t be great, I have a son who is sick, I won’t go into more detail, but so he would be with us and not alone he came to stay for just two nights. But I spent those two days and nights worrying and nursing him like he was a baby again. I was glad today when he went home and the pressure was off me. I just wanted the day to end as quickly as possible, it was definitely not a day of celebration.

But I tried to be positive, thinking of the things I needed to be grateful helped.

I was not homeless as I know many are, I was warm and I had food. I had a small family around me. I recieved gifts and I had given gifts. So it was not the perfect day but I survived it.

Reading the quote above helped me. I hope it helps you if you are struggling.

It won’t be long before this season to be jolly is over and normality, whatever that is returns. Don’t be disheartened, next year could be better. But if it’s not, you survived it this year and you will again. Reach out to others in similar situations, and ALWAYS find something to be grateful for.

How lucky am I?

It’s good to strive and want for more in your life.

But at the same time you need to be thankful for what you already have in your life.

Still feeling weak and drained from this flu, today I had the chance to just sit in the warmth (it really was warm in the sun but sheltered from the wind) of the sun looking at the beautiful Bournemouth beach.

I could feel the sun and the beauty of the moment healing my soul.

So today I am thankful to be able to sit in this beautiful part of the world and just enjoy being here.

How lucky am I.